Words I’m Allergic To

Definition of Done: Surely, some people on the committee that created Scrum must have been controllers or accountants or some other kind of bureaucrats. I wonder, if Scrum is Agile, and Agile is not so up for contracts, then… Anyways, I’d just go with a Checklist, which are mere reminders.

Extreme Programming: No wonder everybody uses XP instead, probably nobody wants to speak in non-nerd circles about applying an ’extreme’ practice. Also, and again, not all that we do is programming. The best, and tongue-in-cheek-iest, I could come up with so far is Bona Fidev.

Failure: Do you like to fail? Do you want to fail? Are you looking forward to fail? No? Then why should ’fail early’ and ’fail fast’ be good things to aim at? And let’s not even talk about the likes of ’celebrating failure’ and ’culture of failure’. How about aiming at and focusing on Learning instead?

Mind Map: As Simon Wardley would say, it’s not a map. I would say it’s a fancy bullet point list.

Mob: From the dictionary I got "a large crowd of people, especially one that is disorderly and intent on causing trouble or violence" and even more problematic meanings. The term mob embodies the lowest forms of group dynamics, and as such, I despise it wholeheartedly. On the other hand, I love all things Team.

Mocking: As Gerard Meszaros would say, Mocks are a specific type of a Test Double. I would say, read the book.

NoEstimates: Once I was told NoEstimates is not about having no estimates. Unfortunately at that point my brain disengaged so I don’t know the rest of the story. And because I find it childish to question the realities in the lives of grown-ups, I refuse to come up with a new word for the same thing. But call them Guesses if you have to.

Requirements: As if our customers or our customer proxies or the proxies of our customer proxies knew what they really wanted. Here’s a clue: they don’t. And it’s up to us to find out together, in a journey of discovery, by means of conversation and experiments. So I’d just fall back on User Stories.

Resource: As in ’Human Resource’. Just so broken, just so wrong, I don’t even. HR are the silken gloves on the iron fist, the facilitators of oppressive power schemes run by management against regular employees. Their rule in hiring, education and evaluation stinks to heavens. Just say NO to HR.

Retrospection: Why look back? Look ahead in the light of the past! Let’s call this Reflection instead.

Sprint: Like others noted it, it’s more like a Marathon, so don’t be ridiculous, nothing’s over at the end of an artificial unit of time. More importantly though, it’s not even the actual word I’ve got a beef with but the entire concept. I’m for all things Continuous so I don’t use this word at all.

Omg, this got longer than I expected.